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How To Kill Your Lover

By Stephan J Myers, Jul 1 2018 04:00PM

No, not physically...that would be foolhardy. But we all have the capacity to kill relationships with emotional damage. How could we do this? Apart from the obvious damage abuse does to a relationship, there are other behaviours that we could exhibit which may not be connected with abusive behaviour, but come very close. What are these things that could see the demise of a previously loving relationship?


Disrespect.

We may not think we would fall into this trap, but it could be more difficult to maintain respect between lovers than you think. The closer we become in a relationship, the more familiarity there is-which is good because closeness is a great foundation. However, we could easily slide into a habit of disrespecting the other person. How so? Merely the way we talk to our partner, and the way we perceive them. A positive mindset of our partner is a good& basis from which to enter into any communication. Otherwise, irritations and our own negative moods can creep into our language. This undermines confidence and can convince our lover that our love for them is waning.


Silent Treatment

We are not talking about space here. Everyone needs space, and each partner should allow the other this if needed. However silent treatment chokes the breath out of a relationship. When we communicate, we do not have to second guess how our partner is feeling. If we are silent we leave our partner emotionally at sea, and their perception of how we are thinking and feeling about them is likely worse than reality. Without communication, the relationship stagnates goes bad and dies. Worse still, silent treatment can be used as an implement of control or even punishment. Our partner is cowed by not knowing what is going on in the relationship, and the lack of verbal affection. Shortcut to its demise...


Blame

Let's face it, none of us is perfect! We aren't, and our partner isn't. Sometimes the fault lies with us, sometimes with our lover. But blaming and shaming signifies contempt, and communicates that we view our lover as beneath us. This scornful behaviour is toxic to both parties and undermines not only personal confidence, but confidence in the relationship.


Comparisons

No-one likes to be compared negatively to another. But when it is your lover making the comparisons it cuts even deeper. Negative comparison to a parent, for instance, tells our partner that they are not good enough, that they don't come up to expectations, and that others can please you more than they can. Comparisons to an ex can be even more damaging. After all that relationship failed-obviously for a reason. Are our similar traits going to kill this one too? These are the thoughts that may germinate in our lovers head. They begin to perceive themselves as a failure in our eyes, which may, in turn, lead to the failure of our relationship.


Breakup Threats

This is self-explanatory. It communicates that we hold our relationship as of little value, that we would walk out on it for petty reasons, and that we don't love our partner enough to show loyalty.


Respect, care and communication are instead the ways to keep our relationship alive. After all, to kill your lover would be extremely foolhardy!






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The Escape - copyright Stephan J Myers